First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry about my life...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
