So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
