Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
