I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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