Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
