but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
