Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
