Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
