Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
