She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i believe in u and ur pee
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
