I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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