My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
