we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
