i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
