i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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