don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
