She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
