Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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