I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
