On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
