i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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