just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
