did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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