Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
