Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
