how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
