She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
