JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
