I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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