I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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