They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
