And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
