you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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