piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
