i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
