Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
