my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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