Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
