Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
