I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
