just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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