I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
