ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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