I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
