Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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