You're completely useless in the revolution.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
