he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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