The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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