saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
