My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
