I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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