Where is the hickey?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
