And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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