Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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