ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
