Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I smell like Dick and happiness
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
