this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
