I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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